Sweet Turned Bitter

PMR is over so I won't be using Bahasa Melayu for my posts anymore. Well, maybe when SPM is near I'll do it again. After that... I don't think I'll be having any more Bahasa examinations...

This day is supposed to be a joyous day for us who don't have exams tomorrow. But for me... this day turned out to be a day to be remembered as a sad, sad day. Who wouldn't be sad if the person who took care of them when they were small, passed away?

My great-grandmother passed away this morning, at the age of 86, only about two months after my family and my aunt's family celebrated her 86th birthday. During her birthday celebration, she said something like "haha nak masuk kubur dah baru hari jadi". Didn't really expect it to be true... She got TB just a few weeks ago and had to be hospitalized. My maid said that my great-grandmother told her she saw two people in white walk into the ward in the middle of the night. I don't know who those are. She did not die out of TB. She was cured and brought back to Taiping before she let out her last breath.

My great-grandmother was a very strong woman. Even at the age of 80-ish, she was still able to walk without a walking stick. When I was five, I always refused to take a shower since I was too lazy. She had the courtesy of chasing after me in circles while holding a cane. I was faster haha but eventually I took the shower.

When I was a baby, just two months old, I was sent to my mom's hometown, Taiping, because we didn't have a maid back then... My great-grandmother always gave me a bath. I saw a photo of me in all my naked glory, in a large, crimson basin and my great-grandmother's old, wrinkled, clad in gold hands.

I can't bring myself to write anymore. For those who are kind enough to spare a few seconds, please recite the Al-Fatihah for her and pray for her.

Assalamualaikum

Scourgify

My blog's gotten dusty. So here goes... scourgify. Now it's impeccably clean from any physical (verbal dirt is still there though, I do remember my swearing posts) dirt and/or dust.

I went to Taiping to celebrate Eid. Yaya and I were supposed to go back to Machang but we sort of... feel left out whenever we're there. We only had each other and it was depressing T.T I like it at Taiping because I'm close, no, ditch that, I'm metaphorically stuck to them. Especially the eight-year old one. Her name's Farah. I call her 'Baby'. She's so gonna hit me if she (ever) knows of my blog.

For the record, I did help out in the kitchen. Don't scoff at me. Sure, I played games (I downloaded a game when it was only I think four days shy of one month to PMR), but I helped out... I babysat the none too angelic baby brother of mine. I secretly think he's going to be the next Voldemort LOL. I never woke up later than 10 (I think).

The great thing about that place is, I don't want to go back. It's so peaceful there. Sure, Taiping is not exactly known for it's village-sceneries-and-touch but it's better than the concrete jungles here. The trees here are bald compared to the trees there! Bald I say, bald. 

The bad things... I don't even want to talk about my mom's constant nagging and ordering and mood swings and anger management issues etc. She'd easily pass for an angry bird in an audition.

Cheer Up

Everyone, meet Ilyas. He's my half-brother. He's 3. And he's freaking adorable. And naughty. Look, look at the innocence of a 3 year old and imagine him having a seizure, saliva dripping out of his mouth, eyes staring blankly ahead, mouth twitching.

Inside the emergency room, he just kept on repeating the same thing over and over "Allah Wujud, Qidam, Baqa' ". Okay, that made me turn really sad. Now he's kinda okay. I waited 2 hours in front of the A&E. I miss him. He's in a ward right now, and he's sleeping. I'm going to the hospital to see him tomorrow.

I posted about this stuff on Facebook and Tumblr and Twitter. Nobody gave any respond whatsoever, I just hate you guys. Plain hatred. You don't care about my baby brother, and I won't care about you. So just go on and have a seizure, go into the hospital, and I won't fucking care. I only asked for 10 seconds to spare from you guys to pray for his health. But no. You just can't. Only Syazana prayed.

The others, go away already. You're not my friend if you don't care about the most precious person in my whole life. So there. I said it. This is my blog and I get to say what I feel. Your opinions matter but I won't even give a damn because you don't give anything for my brother.

Family? Nah

I'm giving up. I can't stand living at my mom's place. I'm gonna take all my stuffs there and move it over here. Next year, my dad's gonna send me to school every morning and I'm gonna stay back at school, he's gonna pick me up in the evening. I know it sucks because having a nearby house is better. I can go to school with a bike, I can ask my maid to send the books I forgot to bring to school.

But I'm ready to give it all up. Because I'd rather live far from school, permanently, than go back to my mom's house.

To whoever reading this, don't judge me, because you don't have the experience of living inside my body, as me. You don't have a separated family, you don't have a bitchy attitude and an urge to swear in diaries when you're mad, you don't have a bitchy little sister who shows your diary about you swearing to your mom, you don't have a mom who treats you like shit.

You might have some of the above, but you definitely don't have all of them. So just STFU.

Thank you